


And With The Boys I Can't Relate

by bboiseux



Series: Slip and Fall If I Take One More Step [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Open Marriage, Pick Up, aggressive flirting, blowjob (implied)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 05:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14098536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bboiseux/pseuds/bboiseux
Summary: "Mollymauk?  Is that your real name?”The grin didn’t waver a second.  “As real as they get.”“Well, I suppose that’s an answer.”  Percy thanked the bartender as the two glasses were delivered.  “So what are you?  A con man?”Molly gave a flourish with his free hand.  “I suppose that’s one of my lines, but I’m off tonight.  Just looking for a pretty boy and you seem to fit the bill.”Molly thinks Percy looks like a fun time.





	And With The Boys I Can't Relate

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to [The Girls They Pull My Hair](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14056587) (Beau/Keyleth).
> 
> I am so on board this Modern AU (specifically Beau and Keyleth) that I am turning it into a series, (titled [Slip and Fall If I Take One More Step](https://archiveofourown.org/series/978684)) so if you like what you're reading here, go ahead and subscribe to the series over there.
> 
> Title taken from "Bang Bang Bang Bang" by the Sohodolls

Percy felt someone pull up next to him at the bar.  The groan of the chair against the floor.  The soft brush of cloth against his elbow.  The vague sense of air being filled.  Percy glanced over his shoulder in the other direction to check on Keyleth.  She had vanished a while ago into the pulsing crowd.  He shifted her clutch slightly, fiddled with his phone, and then took a slow sip of his whiskey, warm and sharp over his tongue.

“You look like you need another drink.”  The voice washed over Percy with a light Irish lilt, but there was something jagged in the words too.  The man signaled the bartender for two of the same and then turned back to Percy.

The man was dressed in a faux-snakeskin jacket that was, against all reason, a bright purple, lined with gray fur.  Underneath, was just bare chest, decorated with tattoos, one of which ran all the way up to the man’s cheek.  Of course, there was also the purple mohawk on top of his head.  The man smiled, all teeth, like a snake checking out his prey.  “I’m Mollymauk, but friends can call me Molly.  What’s your name?”

Percy gave a skeptical look up and down over his glasses.  “Percival.  Mollymauk?  Is that your real name?”

The grin didn’t waver a second.  “As real as they get.”

“Well, I suppose that’s an answer.”  Percy thanked the bartender as the two glasses were delivered.  “So what are you?  A con man?”

Molly gave a flourish with his free hand.  “I suppose that’s one of my lines, but I’m off tonight.  Just looking for a pretty boy and you seem to fit the bill.”

That raised Percy’s eyebrow.  “And what is it that you do with ‘pretty boys.’”

“Typically, I ply them with drink to help them loosen up a bit.  Wow them with some conversational tricks, magic tricks if I need to.  All in the name of a little fun for the night.”

“Good lord, I hope this isn’t your idea of exciting conversation.”

Molly rested a high-heeled boot on the base of Percy’s stool and gently picked a bit of fluff off of Percy’s shoulder.  This close, the heady smell of cologne tickled at Percy’s nose. “I said typically.  You clearly are a class to yourself.”  This time it was Molly looking Percy up and down.  “Even from across the room I could tell and this close up, well . . .”  Molly waved away the end of his sentence.

A glimmer of a smile crossed Percy’s face as he stared into his drink. “So, what is it that you do when you’re not a con man?”

 “Oh, a little of this a little of that.  Currently doing a little street performing: juggling, mind reading . . . sword swallowing.”

Percy chuckled at Molly’s emphasis on that last one.  “You really are a terrible flirter, Mollymauk.”  He regarded him with a slight tilt of the head and let his hand drift to Molly’s thigh.  “But I’ll give you another chance.”  He squeezed. “You say, mind reading?  What am I thinking right now?”

Molly’s grin hadn’t flickered a moment.  If anything, it had grown brighter.  “It may surprise you to know that mind reading, despite the name, is quite a physical feat.”  He held out his hand to Percy. “I’m afraid I’ll have to have a little skin-to-skin contact to really get inside your head.  Any requests on where I should touch you?”

“Well, I suppose one of us is going to have to demonstrate an ounce of subtlety and it certainly isn’t going to be you, so here.”  Percy removed his hand from Molly’s thigh and held it out to him.

Molly didn’t even look down as he took Percy’s hand—he just stared straight ahead, eyes locked with Percy’s.  “Hm.  Oh yes.  Yes, I see.  There’s a lot going on in there, but I think that there’s one clear thought.”  Percy wondered if there was a limit to how wide Molly’s smile could get.  “You’re thinking ‘This man should really shut up and put his mouth to better use.’”

Percy’s phone briefly vibrated across the bar, screen ablaze, and his eyes twitched in its direction before pulling back to Molly.  “Are you sure you didn’t just read your own mind?”  He pulled his hand away and reached for the phone as it danced again.  “Sorry, I’ve got to check this.  Stay put.  This conversation is much too entertaining to end like this.”

He stood up, leaving Molly alone at the bar.

 

 **_VEX:_ ** _I’m off to bed._  
**_VEX:_ ** _Hope you’re having a good time._  
**_PERCY:_ ** _Actually, I’m currently being seduced by a very attractive con man._  
**_VEX:_ ** _Oh!_  
**_VEX:_ ** _How attractive?_  
**_PERCY:_ ** _Eccentric clothes, tattoos, winning abs, and I can count at least four piercings.  I’m hoping there are more._  
**_VEX:_ ** _You have a type, darling.  How did you ever end up with boring old me?_  
**_PERCY:_ ** _I believe you know the answer to that question._  
**_PERCY:_ ** _And it isn’t boring._  
**_PERCY:_ ** _Anyway, he seems very energetic, so I doubt he’s the patient type._  
**_VEX:_ ** _Should I wait up and get a show?_  
**_PERCY:_ ** _He seems more of the quickie in the bathroom type._  
**_VEX:_ ** _Again, you do have a type, darling._  
**_VEX:_ ** _Well, use protection._  
**_VEX:_ ** _Have fun. *wink*_  
**_VEX:_ ** _*kiss*_  
**_PERCY:_ ** _I love you._  
**_PERCY:_ ** _Sleep well._

 

When Percy walked back, Molly was still at the bar and Percy took the opportunity to get a better assessment of his conversation partner.  He was lean and broad shouldered and was wearing tight jeans—so tight that Percy suspected they were a women’s size zero.  The jacket covered Molly’s ass, but the rest of the body told a pleasant story of toned arms and thighs.  The nipple rings were not detracting either.

Percy didn’t sit, but dropped the phone on the bar, and sipped at his drink.  “Sorry about that, but I needed to say good night to my wife.”  He watched Molly carefully and Molly hid whatever his reaction was with a quick drink.  But Percy did notice the glance to his left hand.  The quick mental note of “no ring.”  “Now, where were we?”

“I believe you were telling me how I wanted you to use your mouth.”

“Ah, yes.  Let’s start with the basics.”

Percy leaned in with a swivel and caught Molly’s lips.  There was a moment of hesitation, when Molly thought he was going to pull away, but then Percy felt his arms wrap around him and hold him in place.  The kiss was hard, maybe a little too hard, almost bruising, but the tongue followed quickly, hot and slick, to sooth it better.  It was almost exactly like Percy had imagined it--Molly’s hard body and his soft mouth—and he pulled back for only a moment to steady himself on the chair before he tasted Molly again.  It was a pulsating kiss, their mouths wet and hungry for each other, their hands exploring and grasping at one another.

After they broke away, they each stood panting, foreheads together, hands resting wherever felt best.  Molly nipped at Percy’s lips again and let a hand brush against the growing bulge in Percy’s pants.  “Would you like to see just how good I am at sword swallowing?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be continuing this as a series. Let me know in the comments if you want to see other members of the gang!
> 
> I am also [bboiseux on tumblr](https://bboiseux.tumblr.com/).
> 
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